Reason, Season and Lifetime

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you know which one it is, you act accordingly and know what to do for that person. When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrong doing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on. Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They filled your emptiness. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. They could at one time be your enemy, and a friend some other time. Believe it, it is real... But only for a season. LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons, things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant. So peeps, thank you for being a part of my life, whether you were a reason, a season or a lifetime. I appreciate it all =)

On my side.

"Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life..." - The Fray


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How to save a life - The Fray

I do.. I really wish I've known how to save a life but of course.. I don't, and I can't. I could try to stay up all night as that shouldn't be a big of a deal, but when I have nothing much to offer, then what is it that you want. Between you and me, it's been empty for quite a while. It took me 6 years to fill it but somehow along the way, it dissipates into something else. I could try.. maybe. I could try to fill it again but that is never a promise.

Life is tough sometimes. There are a zillion decisions to make, and none of them are easy. There are things you want to do but can't, and things you don't want to do but have to. There are good times and hard times, and days you feel like nobody could ever possibly understand what it's like to be you, and you're definitely right... I could be here if you want to forget about life. but not be part of it as ... I do have my own life.

Some people said it should've been easy, I think about it too much when i'm not suppose to. That I could have pretend like it never happened. I could stay away as far as I want to. Some says I'm a selfish bitch without sympathy. And some says it's the feeling of empathy. Or maybe I want to be nice when I'm not.

I shouldn't be too confuse cuz I should know what I want. But what I want will never happen. It's even out of question. So dear myself, give yourself sometime to think. some more time to ponder and wonder what could and had happened. I'm sure I'll come out of it one day, but this shell of mine is still hard to break, is still there for me to be shallow, so please understand... dear friend.

p/S: I'm going to The Fray concert... =) something to look forward for.. next week.

Laughter is the best medicine

Great outing night. had mexican food @ Agua Verde for dinner. Hype on sugar. dote on donuts n ice cream. (ooh i know the calorie meter watch, but heck) took silly pics. random jokes. more laughters. pause for a movie (Lake House). omg, did we really screamed? walked home. took kad raya from postbox. more silly jokes. phonecall frm friend. contemplating on starting my research paper. but I did started it til my 2 retarded friends came over at 1.15 am. we chatted away @ my place. went out to get some coffee @ UV. more lamebrained stories. more laughters. finally, more retarded pictures.
my energy was completely being sucked by all the face-exercising activities. exhausted, but I cherished the good times. thanks Danielle, Nad, Nina, Creichton, Craig and Jamie.

p/s: Danielle, keep the list updated. =P
Jamie, you gotta kiss a lot of frogs before you find a prince. d'oh. Welcome to the club.

Yup²

Ok.. I recovered. Will be updating soon. For now, I'm working on my travel blog. It's not done yet. I'm putting some random pics and thoughts frm all my jalan2 experiences. Well, I kind of make it private so I would invite you guys later.. those I know reading my blog lah. PM me if you care enough to snoop around that blog and I didn't invite you. as long as I know you, of course.. hehe. well it's still not there. so go somewhere else to read firstlah aite? cheers..

All in all, the Europe trip was great. Went to 15 different cities in 7 different countries in 25 days. Tiring but lotsa fun. And BIG thanks to all those people I menumpang with.. I would definitely come back sometime for the 2nd part of my tour.. it's on my TODO list tho.. not sometime near lah obviously and of coz I did went broke after that Europe trip considering the extra 15 kgs I brought back on my backpack the other day. Chocs consumption are always good especially when they are from Switz and Belgium =)

I'm in the midst of my first quarter, being a senior. The only interesting thing is my groupmate from my prev. Software Engineering class and this quarter's Senior capstone project class, is also my TA for my other CS class. How wierder could it be when you know your groupmate is grading you. hmm.. I don't like that at all. I'm also taking the business Human Resource and Management class. Wonder if I could survive that like my Business comm. class. as long as I try to crap really hard, I probably will. anyway, I'm going to have 2 midterms this monday (the first day of raya). so yeay to me.. Ramadhan Mubarak.. and Selamat Hari Raya to all. Maaf Zahir batin aite?. May the year ahead could be fulfilled with something more meaningful for you and me.

I'll be gone

for a while.. maybe. I'm going for my Europe vacation the day after tomorrow (September 1 st til September 25th) a loong2 vacation. and hopefully to get something out of it..

And that means, I'm not gonna be updating this for a super longg time and I'm actually thinking of quiting the blogging world. we'll see the tahap of my kerajinan after I come back lah.. and if I do quit, I guess I owe my blog motivator a dozen thanks.. hehe. and of course la I owe you a big chocolate cheesecake 'youknowwhoyouare'. and also there are some other ppl out there that makes me keep this for lama lah jugak, bukan senang. hehe

But if i DON'T, i'll be updating stories from my Europe trip, deal? I'd share some stuff.. still. I'm going for some soul searching.. mind winding... or whatever crap sewaktu dengannya. so wish me luck yer? hehe. Whatever it is, I'm on HIATUS.

Before that,

--> Happy Bertunang to Shahida.. (erks, didn't I say so sya?)
--> Happy Belated/Becoming Birthdays to Ajoy, Nana, Nad, Daphne, Is, Alin, Faris, Akbar, Aina, Sarah, and Dido. (erkss.. ramainye in one month pon. sorry if I miss anyone k)

so yeah, a turning point for me to try all the things that I have ever wanted to.. hehe. up and away... weeet. =)

homesick

once in a blue moon, i would feel it. homesick. and now is the peak time for it. the fact that I'm not going back home this year really bothers me especially when I got a not so good news from home today. erm, I've been to the airport twice in the last 24 hours and will be going again later tonight. maybe that does affect me, seeing the airplanes and people travelling all over. or maybe i'm just too bored today. sitting around and not doing anything could be painful sometimes. The only stuff left with me right now after 2 painful 'moving-out' day is a bed and my desktop. Gosh, I hate moving. I'm the only one left without a place still (kene merempat) and don't have anything going on for me. so I don't get to go and kemas2 my 'room to be' or even studying for GRE like some people.. hehe. I just wished my lil bro could teman me like few days ago. oh anywho, yesterday wuz my mom's birthday. Hope everything went well for her in her condition and I do really wish I could be there with her like the last 2 years. hurm.. i think i figured out why I'm so homesick today. This buddy have been temaning me for the last few days. hehe. been watching it puluh2 kali. it's just fun to watch coz I smile everytime. thanks to whoever gave it to me few years back then. I found it in one of my cd archives.

I'm done with Junior yer.

Yerp. I'm done with my Junior yer... or my Third yer. Its the end of my summer quarter and I'm officially a senior now. heheh. One more year before I could give myself a little credit for not doing so well at university when I'm suppose to. erks, I seriously don't care now. something's really not right but nvm... I'm having my 4 weeks vacation now which will be filled with...

-> packing and moving stuff to my new apartment
-> sit and not do anything for about a week (giving my kaki a loong2 rest)
-> Europe de tour for 3 weeks (am looking forward to it for some cuci mata'ing' and brain relaxin)

blerh, im lookin for some new activities to do next yer. I deactivated myself from taekwondo for quite a while coz I feel I'm a lil bit tua to lompat2 and run around now. hehe the truth is i don't like practicing tkd @ my usual place anymore coz they always bug/force me to sign up for some sort of sparing/tournament which i'm so not interested in doing right now. perhaps switchin to 'rowing' or 'kayaking' clubs. I really wish they have some sort of cool 'camping' group around or at the very least I should get to know someone who are really into outdoor activities so that I get to spend some time with them doing not so mundane activities. Im so sick sitting in front of my own computer rite now. *twitching* my eyes all over..

inferiority.

is what i feel. is what i want to ignore. I'm in someone's hair.. gibberish.

I have a huge ego and a huge inferiority complex at the same time.
-- Barry Gibb (source:BrainyQuote)

Lifehouse Craze...

ok. I've been listening to Lifehouse songs whole night long and I thought I'll share it. My jaded head is spinning with all of their songs and hopefully by killing some time here, could lessen the lifehouse swings I'm having right now. Plus I need a break from programming and I'm super bored. so here goes.. Each of these are basically my fav. song from their albums.
enjoy.

1) Breathing - No Name Face

Review: Found this cool video made by Veritas724. A mixed scenes from Pride and Prejudice (A great romantic movie btw). How that girl is soOo into Mr.Darcy hehe.. very interesting.

Vidz:

Lyric:

I'm finding my way back to sanity again Though I don't really know what I'm going to do when I get there Take a breath and hold on tight Spin around one more time And gracefully fall back to the arms of Grace I am hanging on every word you say And even if you don't want to speak tonight That's alright, alright with me 'Cause I want nothing more than to sit Outside heaven's door and listen to you breathing Is where I want to be I'm looking past the shadows Of my mind into the truth and I'm trying to identify The voices in my head God which one's you? Let me feel one more time What it feels like to feel And break these calluses off me One more time

'Cause I am hanging on every word you say And even if you don't want to speak tonight That's alright, alright with me 'Cause I want nothing more than to sit Outside your door and listen to you breathing Is where I want to be I don't want a thing from you Bet you're tired of me waiting For the scraps to fall Off your table to the ground I just want to be here now 'Cause I am hanging on every word you say And even if you don't want to speak tonight That's alright, alright with me 'Cause I want nothing more than to sit Outside heaven's door and listen to you breathing Is where I want to be I am hanging on every word you say And even if you don't want to speak tonight That's alright, alright with me 'Cause I want nothing more than to sit Outside heaven's door and listen to you breathing Is where I want to be

2) Out of Breath(Acoustic) - Stanley Climbfall

Review: Apparently, most of their song related to breath are interesting. And from this vidz, I realized Jason Wade isn't bad looking. huhu. Wonder if they will ever come to Seattle. penat tunggu..

Vidz:

Lyric:

I still feel the same though everything has changed the pain it cost now I feel lost inside of my own name but I keep running I am running I keep living for the day that I'm with you that I'm with you the past has left its stain now I feel the shame I'll seize the day if you take away the chains of yesterday but I keep running I am running I keep living for the day that I'm with you and I am waiting I am waiting I keep waiting for the day that I'm with you

a new day the sun is shining seems I'm closer to finding that life is more than where we are no way that I am turning as long as the sun is burning now it seems that all I want is you I still feel the same though everything has changed the pain it cost now I feel lost inside of my own name but I keep running I am running I keep living for the day that I'm with you an I am waiting I am waiting I keep waiting for the day that I'm with you that I'm with you

3) Blind (Lifehouse)

Review: Everytime I listen to this song it reminds me of something really deep. hehe. ntah ape. i just love the lyric tho. sungguh the annoying the parents of the perempuan in the video clip.

Vidz:

Lyric:

I was young but I wasn't naive I watched helpless as he turned around to leave And still I have the pain I have to carry A past so deep that even you could not bury if you tried After all this time I never thought we'd be here Never thought we'd be here When my love for you was blind But I couldn't make you see it Couldn't make you see it That I loved you more than you'll ever know A part of me died when I let you go I would fall asleep Only in hopes of dreaming That everything would be like is was before But nights like this it seems are slowly fleeting They disappear as reality is crashing to the floor

After all this time I never thought we'd be here Never thought we'd be here When my love for you was blind But I couldn't make you see it Couldn't make you see it That I loved you more than you'll ever know A part of me died when I let you go After all this time Would you ever wanna leave it Maybe you could not believe it That my love for you was blind But I couldn't make you see it Couldn't make you see it That I loved you more than you will ever know A part of me died when I let you go And I loved you more than you'll ever know A part of me dies when I let you go

4) You and Me - Lifehouse

Review: Another great song from the Lifehouse album. thots. =)

Vidz:

Lyric:

What day is it? And in what month? This clock never seemed so alive I can't keep up and I can't back down I've been losing so much time 'Cause it's you and me and all the people With nothing to do, nothing to lose And it's you and me and all the people And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you All of the things that I want to say Just aren't coming out right I'm tripping on words You get my head spinning I don't know where to go from here 'Cause it's you and me and all the people With nothing to do, nothing to prove And it's you and me and all the people And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you

There's something about you now I can't quite figure out Everything she does is beautiful n' everything she does is right 'Cause it's you and me and all the people With nothing to do, nothing to lose And it's you and me and all the people And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of You and me and all the people With nothing to do, nothing to prove And it's you and me and all the people And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you What day is it? And in what month? This clock never seemed so alive.

oh, the post got super long and I'm still bored. now what?

Thwarted in hope, desire, or expectation

Geez, if I could get through to you, kiddo, that depression is not sobbing and crying and giving vent, it is plain and simple reduction of feeling. Reduction, see? Of all feeling. People who keep stiff upper lips find that it's damn hard to smile. - Guest Judith

I guess I need that "reduction of feeling" so I'll be less disappointed and have less stuff to think about right now. Maybe feeling"less" is much better.

Late July Itsy Bitsy ..

It's been crazy for the past week. Did some cool and not so cool stuff..lots of things going on tho.
-> Got to babysit Eileen's cute lil' John for a while. He's such a cutie.. Look, Eileen and John =)

-> There was a shooting at Seattle downtown, which killed a women and injured another five. Quite a big deal la kan since it happened at a Jewish Center and the person caught is apparently an angry muslim man bout that Israeli & Lebanon issue. Whylah nak kene tembak, gi protest dahlah. more news...

-> Went to San Juan Island for whale watching. Was a fun trip though it's bit chilly on the ferry. Thanks to Anne for the super cheap tix! ohh, here's some my fav. pics from the trip. Didn't get to take good pictures of the whales (either they're too far or i'm too excited to take picture)

Friday Harbor,San Juan Island is the place where "Free Willy" film was shot, if u still remember that movie.

-> A friend of mine celebrated her 23rd birthday last Sunday (July 30th). So, Happy Birthday Jijoe! A blissful life awaiting for you as you grow older u know.. =)

-> Had to finish my Info 344 class project. Stuff that I waited til the very last minute to finish up. It's a website development class and guess what I did, a blogger template. curik idea Blogger ni lah.. huhu so credits to Blogger.

-> And finally, I'm doing my last minute preparation for my first proposal presentation to an insurance company TOMORROW. ok, butterfly in my stomach. In case you're wondering, it's a project for my business communication class where we have to come up with an IT related industry business startup and have to present our proposals to an insurance company, a bank and a related industry company. We have to pretend as if we're proposing a real business solution and we'll be graded on our ideas and presentation. So the company insurance for tomorrow is just a beginning for a very² painful period of my summer school. erksss. Wish me, Aaron, Lucy and Andrew the best of luck yehh

hacker wannabe & google gadgets

Spending time in front of the computer is considered worthless if you don't really know what you're doing and didn't see the result. But we do it anyway, surfing the internet like we can chunk every info available from webster. Best part, some people use the internet to stalk and to show off their hacking skills. Oh come on, art not thou ppl know there are always other ways to go around and beyond each of his/her "whatever" skills. You can never tell who is the best at computer hacking or programming. Even Bill Gates or Paul Allen never admits that. (do u seriously think they're good at programming? erkss..) Back to stalking, someone was really trying to get on my nerves by taking over my yahoo account. What was that for? it's just an account.. you can't really do anything with it pon!! However, in less than 24 hrs, I managed to get the account back with the help of a friend whose name need to be classified for privacy and safety reason.. hehe. So serves you right "stoopid hacker wannabe". Lain kali belajar ilmu sampai habis yer. I know what you're using, it's not that trojan horse. Ok, stop pissing that person off with his loss.

Look at what I did to my desktop.. huhu

I think google already made its released on desktop gadgets yesterday. I had this gadgets sitting on my desktop for a few days now since I am helping out with their BETA trial version of google gadgets. Its sort of mac desktop version except that it has less features and less cool available gadgets to choose from. I bet they're going to have a whole lot of new widgets when they make this software public and the source code available for open source. I'm trying to configure the sudoku code so that it can play for me after time out. (cheating lah in a way). So, in case you are wondering what gadgets I've been storing on my desktop. Clockwise from top left are Quran citation, Seattle weather snow globe, a music player, calender, horoscope, calculator, flower pot (it actually grows and you kind of have to take care of it by watering it), system monitor (to see how much space and memory these gadgets took off from my comp), sudoku player and lastly a wireless tracker. Some hidden widgets are gmail notifier, and google programmer source code live updates. So far so good, they've been constantly taking only around 5% of my memory the last few days and is getting lower. Im sure they are good enough for release. So in case you are interested to help them out with the trial version, check this out. You can also contribute your own created widget to google and they will surely publish it if its good enough =P My only concern is, how secure is it for me to have them sitting on my desktop? Google could be chugging all infos I have or doing some experimenting on me like how my browsing behavior is. Not that I have something big going on.. but I wonder.


blablabla.. think this post is really loooong. see, how much more time do I need to waste? remind me why I'm blogging again? I DON'T know. it's just that I'm always get bored at 5 am in the morning.

When things happen ...

I always say to myself, they happen for a reason... a good one. But when I can't solaced myself with that, I'll turn to someone that can. Fortunately, I have a lot of them here with me.. and I have someone who totally understand me and I'm thankful for that. At the same time, I want to be the comfort for others... to my friend who really feels the lost. Some people is suffering more than I do and they don't deserve that. Sometime I wish life would be seen as fair as it is. I know life is fair.. I'm not blaming on it. I envy those who could greatly withstand the pain they are tested with. For that, I thank Him for giving me and the others the strength. ok, back to architecture studying.. final in 5 hours. ohh can't wait for it to be over. I'll have monday and wednesday off for the rest of the summer. phewww...

I posted "Tell me what I feel" entry the other day when I sounded all bummed up. A friend of mine suggested this song. Didn't like it at first but now I'm stuck with it. Oh, it's not an english song.


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2 DSD-Peterpan

How could I put an end to my crudeness??

Have you ever really give a deep thought about what goes on in another person's mind? And I mean you seriously think about it, analyzed their every move, de-constructed each molecule of their being, trying desperately to unlock the door and receive a sudden rush of understanding, simply to feel that you probably know them, but instead you find yourself even more confused and uncertain about their intent? Lately, this has been bothering me. You think you know someone, you think you have THEM figured out down to their DNA, and then they completely throw you off guard and become something unexpected, something different.

It's so strange but so nice. To find that just when you think you've seen everything another has to offer, you find that you haven't even seen the tip of the iceberg. And I can't wait until I finally do. Life is so questionable; almost everything related to it; I’ve learned my lessons for so many times but I’m still deludable. I just wish I’ll be off the hook sooner and are able to be on more of the complaisant side, but that will never happen. you know..you can never feel "ok" when you know something is really wrong. The thing that really bothers me is "I could never tell when I'm certain or when I'm trying to be certain. And I hurt too many nice poeple because of that". How could I put an end to my crudeness??

BlueDot.

DotThis! Bluedot is a new cool application that I'm using on the web right now. If you're an avid web surfer like me, you might find this interesting. Bluedot is a social bookmarking (kind of Friendster, MySpace and Facebook)website service. But unlike the normal social networking websites, Bluedot is not where you can leave other ppl fancy testimonials, write them tones of messages and bulletins, and stalk their pictures, it's where you can share what you enjoy on the internet. I just like the idea of sharing your bookmarks with your friends. Basically, it'll help you to spend more time on the internet, browsing what other people find interesting.. (as if I didn't spend enough time in front of the computer lah kan). Since I promised Nikki (a friend who is now working @ BlueDot) to promote it, so here goes...

I've been helping BlueDot through its Beta development process. I registered through an invitation and gave them my usability testing feedback. Wuz one of the first 100 ppl registered tho. Honestly, I wasn't very convinced that BlueDot is a cool thing that I want to get involved in. But since it's a Seattle based startup company, and it involves some of my CS fellows here at univ. of wash. I thought I'll give them my support.. hehe. They didn't have a very applicable and convenient dotting system at first, but now.. they've made such a big improvement to the system and algorithm and I'm just in love with it. So check them out. I think they officially went public last week at Gnomedex conference so you can now just sign-up without any invitation. How it works? Simply, you can put a DotThis! button at your toolbar, click it whenever you think you want to share a particular website with your friend.. and add it. It'll appear at your personal Bluedot. You can also browse what other people dotted on the internet. More Specific information about the BlueDot features can be found here. And check out their blog too. If you've registered, share your bookmarks with ME here. After few days launched to public, from 100, they now have around 3000 people dotting @ BlueDot. Ouh yeah, and if you notice, I have flash updates on what I recently dotted for Bluedot at the bottom part of the right side on this blog. Disregard of whatever issues they are dealing with, they managed to make it happen on time as planned. Way to go Nikki and congrates!
--ARINA

The July 4th.

You won't be able to view this post properly if you're using upgraded IE released last April because of their stupid control of ActiveX as results of their settled lawsuit with Eolas company. This is why you should all switch to Firefox! =)



I almost didn't go to the gaswork park last Tuesday after seeing the "tones of crowds" that walked passed by my house heading there. But since I promised one of my friends, I thought maybe I should just go rather than sitting at home and not doing anything. And yeah, after 15 minutes walking to the park... (and 15 minutes hassling with thousands of people), we managed to reserve a standing spot near the hilltop (as shown). According to TIME magazine,this event is acclaimed as... Top Five Fireworks Displays in the country (source: WaMU). At first, I wasn't really comfortable being in the midst of the crowd. Some of them were really obnoxious and stinks.(Why lah they allow people to drink during this event, the alcohol smell always makes me want to puke). The display starts around 10pm and lasts for about 30 minutes. They were all very entertaining and some of them were floridly choreographed. I embedded one of my recorded clips..

So, if you ask me, ignoring the fact that I have to crunch my way all the way up and down the hill, it was worth walking and hassling to get that spectacular view of the fireworks. (Somehow, it makes up my whole depressing day). It's the whole point of getting out from the house and do something on a holiday anyway. So here are some of the pics taken with people I went with.



Can't really take good pictures of the fireworks so I mainly recorded it. There were so many people on the way back so we decided to stay a lil' bit later since our house isn't that far from the park. And there goes a day of my July 4th.. started monotonously and ended with colors and noises.

Today

If I'm fearful- If I'm angry- If I'm jealous- If I'm coy- If I feel dependent-the feelings I have are not my problems. My attitudes toward these feelings are my psychological problems.

unknown
source : Zaadz

Am planning to watch some fireworks display later this evening in anticipation of the 4th of July celebrations. I didn't get to do this last year, but I remembered travelling all the way to downtown Seattle with Sarah during our Freshmen year and got stuck in traffic until almost 2 am. But this time, we're going to Gaswork park, it's a popular spot for Fireworks on 4th of July and only 15 minutes away(walking) from my house. It's located on the north shore of Lake Union, and provides an amazing view of Seattle skyline.

Oregon recap.

As I wrote before, I went to Oregon during my spring interim the other day. So here's a recap of the stuff we did and some slideshows of happy² people.

Oregon is fascinating, with spectacular views of waterfalls and mountains. Though I did felt the roadtrip was somewhat tiring (we spent more or less 20 hours in the car in 3 days), I still appreciate the fact that I get to discharge the pressure that had been afflicting me throughout the last few weeks of my spring quarter. Places of interests that we decided on this time were Mount Hood and Silver Falls . we drove along the Oregon coast for almost 10 hours. Mm, can't really puji the beaches lar cuz I've seen better but oh well, it's acceptable. Put together some slidewhows from the trip. Mix of posed, candids and sceneries. Ohh yeah, and world cup is getting more and more interesting especially after England and Brazil loss today. So.. no more Kaka on field (ohh.. I took the blame, since I just realize how "pondan"ish he ran on field today, whatever, hehe) I have the feelings Germany and France would go to final and that I would need to take a day off from work this wednesday..

The HEAT

So I'm sitting in my room @ 1.20 am in the morning cuz I can't sleep. I had to take a 2 hours nap while skipping my architecture class this evening due to the unbearable headache. I started feeling nausea at work and it became worse in my architecture class. So I decided to call it off and got out from the class after 15 minutes pretending that I could understand the lecturer. After 3 tablets of Tylenol, a 2 hours nap and some entertainment from my convivial housemates (thanks to them), I'm all awake now. It might be because of the abrupt changes of the weather. Not that I can't stand the heat, it was my fault for not having my breakfast, lunch and medication until later in the evening.
But whylah it's so panas. I really feel like going out and take a walk for some nighty fresh air. But considering it's not safe to walk alone, especially after(my "kene ikut" nightmare) the other day, I decided not to. Ohh, I know that I should be thankful, but what blogs are for? for me to grumble kan?

My current favourite album:


And my current favorite song from this album:

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OVER MY HEAD =)

Tell me what I feel.

The above picture perfectly represents my current state of mind.. or in other words, feeling and emotion. They are all swirling and howling inside me.. I'm not sure what or why, but it just bothers me to the max. Could it be because of the stuff that I did, am doing or planning to do? I've gone through piles of decisions-making mode these past few days and I was never sure if my decisions were right. NONE of them. But, I was never convinced that they were wrong either. Or could it be just because I'm thinking about nonsense too hard? Perhaps, I'm not realizing that I'm pretending about something? Or.. maybe I'm feeling this way because I just knew someone that I love wants me to hate him? (Is it possible anyway?) Somebody.. could you just give me a handful slap on my face??! I want to wake up tomorrow and just start watching the World cup match without having these feelings. Maybe I should stop dwelling.. or thinking or maybe rumbling in this blog. I know.. nobody who's reading this understand what's going on and what I'm trying to say. Interestingly, neither do I as the writer know what I want from writing this. It's just a chunk of my mind that I figured need to be voiced out tonight. Pathethically, I don't have anyone who would understand the situation that I'm in right now. Maybe that's it.. I need someone to share and understand me.. that is my biggest swirls...

silence..

I feel necessary to break the silence in my blog today.. hehe. so it's about a month from my previous post. So obviously you can tell I'm bad at blogging or whatsoever. I have lots to say.. but I rather say it to someone.. or to myself then typing it to a blog. Maybe in the futurelah kot.. I'll be better at it. I'm in the middle of summer interim before my summer classes start next week. I spend the last weekend after finals roadtripping with some of my friends to OREGON. Mostly enjoying the scenery (waterfalls and mountains). It was ok.. but somehow I feel we spend too much time in the car. (nama pon roadtrip).

So the tak semangat to start class but I need to take those classes to graduate. Kalau tak, I actually rather go home to Malaysia and spend some time with my family and come back earlier for my "europe de tour" with Sarah. yupp.. EUROPE in the planning.

Just got back my results form last quarter.. and yep. I never satisfied with them but I'm too lazy to care more bout them. As long as I can graduate.. Few stuff happened to me in the last month, I quit my previos job in Health Sciences Library and got a new position in Suzallo library at their Digital Initiative Department. So, no more... desk hours.. don't have to layan annoyed patrons. I have my own cubicals to do my programming stuff and the best part is I can work from home.. as much as I want as long as the work is done. And the pay is a lot better too.. hehe.

One of my friends is getting married this week and another one got engaged last week. And also one of my friend who got married in Perth last month is doing their nasi minyak this week. Why do I have to miss all of these? ishh.. anway, congrates to all of them and I'm really happy for them. May Allah blessings be with you guys forever. =)

Ok.. think that's all for now. Will update later when I have the mood.. as usual. hehe.

The Places You Have Come To Fear The Most

Buried deep as you can dig inside yourself
And covered with a perfect shell
Such a charming, beautiful exterior
Laced with brilliant smiles and shining eyes
Perfect posture, but you're barely scraping by
But you're barely scraping by

This is one time, this is one time
That you can't fake it hard enough to please everyone
Or anyone at all...or anyone at all
And the grave that you refuse to leave
The refuge that you've built to flee
The places that you've come to fear the most
It's the place that you have come to fear the most

Buried deep as you can dig inside yourself
And hidden in the public eye
Such a stellar monument to loneliness
Laced with brilliant smiles and shining eyes
Perfect make-up, but you're barely scraping by
But you're barely scraping by...

Well this is one time, well this is one time
That you can't fake it hard enough to please everyone
Or anyone at all...or anyone at all
And the grave that you refuse to leave
The refuge that you've built to flee
The places that you've come to fear the most
It's the place that you have come to fear the most

And you can't fake it hard enough to please everyone
Or anyone at all..or anyone at all
And the grave that you refuse to leave
The refuge that you've built to flee
The places that you've come to fear the most
It's the place that you've come to fear the most
It's the place that you have come to fear the most

Urghhh..

Just bila aku ingat everything is fine, rupa2 nya tak pon!!! memang namanya manusia bernasib malang --> Arina. Aku tau masalah datang and pergi, semua orang pon mcm tu. tapi kenapa masalah yg dtg kat aku jenis yg susah nak dihandle? ke memang aku ni lembik sgt ker ntahlaa.. Kenapa baru sekarang aku tahu aku ni perosak? just beberapa jam ajer. Apa patut aku buat? proceed? call it off? marah? buat x tau? waa.. tertekanlah nih. isk. lebih rela amik 3 finals dr dpt spring break macam ni. dari tahun lepas sampai laaa ke tahun ni.. bulan March memang bulan malang aku. dah aa tarikh pon dedekat.. so dgn ini aku officially declare bulan Mac adalah bulan malang aku. Kenapalah aku agree untuk commit dgn biggest mistake aku ni.. darn, I'm soo stupid. I wish there's an easy way out. hmm..

Spring Break @ Whidbey Island

I'm back from my spring break jalan2. D'was fun! Whidbey is an awesome place for relaxin' and chillin'. Stunning views of the beaches and the countryside of Washington. We took tonsssss of pictures. A very worthy low-budget fun vacation. Some of the snapshots. ENJOY.

It's March 20th!

It's March 20th. This date means lottzzzz to me. But I rather keep those happy AND sad memories away for now. Enuf said.

My last final.

OK, I was awake since 3.30 am and now I'm waiting for the time I can start walking to my last final CSE303(Software Development Tools) @ 8.30am. My intentional plan this morning was to study a lil bit for this final but I ended up watching some random videos that my friends sent until 5.00 am. So basically, I only did 2 hours of studying for this class not including some reviews I made with my tutor. Heck, I just want this to be over so that I can grab some bubble tea on my way back later and have a nice long nap during the day and pack some stuff before heading out to Whidbey Island tomorrow.. hohooo.

9.00 am

“Those who hate most fervently must have once loved deeply, those who want to deny the world must have once embraced what they now set on fire.”

I really don't understand, how can I like something that keeps me awake for a fucking 24 hours for nothing. -burned out-

accident..

I was one of the bystander that did nothing yesterday when I saw an accident on the ave. An innocent duck was hit by an unknown car.. it was terrible!!! The duck that got hit was lying in the middle of the road while there's another duck, which I believe is it's husband (it's a drake) was trying really hard to push it to the side. Really2 sad.. And after a while, I asked Sarah if the duck that got hit was already dead. And at that very same time, we saw the duck slowly putting it's head on the road. which means it's NOW dead!!whoaa.. A lot of people were standing around the area and there's a guy who kind enough to use a newspaper to wrap the duck and bring it to the sidewalk. The other drake was having it's hard time losing his partner, and trying to peck the feathers of whatever left from the dead duck. Seriously it is really sad to see the duck passed away. What would happen to its partner? May the duck Rest In Peace..

Currently reading...

got this from Aneesa as Valentine present =)

Recent hike..

OK, this is my recent hiking picture at Mt Si, Northbend, Washington. after loooonggg years of staying here, this is my first time hiking up a mountain fully covered of snow during winter. Of cozlah, it was hard trying to walk in the snow while climbing up the mountain... and I did end up with few bruises. The funniest thing happened to me that day was when an old lady (50ish) was trying to go down while I was climbing up. I know it's hard for her since the snow is all wet and slippery so I moved to the side. Apparently, she lost control and started to slide down in the snow right towards me. I'm lil bit confused if I should help her or stay out of her way but she ended up grabbing my feet. So I had to save myself and hang to the trees for support. shwishh.. I felt like the cartoon characters having their bodies stretched out while hanging to something. Good thing was she didn't slide all the way down which I can imagine the pain and the bruises she can get from it. All in all, it was a good hike and I enjoyed it. 

the laziness

I'm posting this for the sake of not letting my blog without updates for almost a year. Lots of stuff happenin' for the past 9 months but I'm too lazy to write down the journeys here.. After all, nobody really even bother to read this. haha.. but if you do, sorry!!.. IM me n I'll let you know the updates =) You know that I'm good @ being lazy right.. but yeah, will try to update as much as possible especially when I'm super bored without anything to do right now. peace n out.